My anxieties are real
Monday, November 16, 2020 at 01:09PM 
As we listen, floating up through all the jangling echoes of our turbulence, there is a sound of another kind – A deeper note which only the stillness of the heart makes clear. It moves directly to the core of our being. Howard Thurman
Here in the USA
There’s an increased concern about national security and dealing with the pandemic as the President continues to refuse to allow a transition to take place.
And more importantly, Americans continue to demonize each other as the right pushes a narrative that the Democrats are really socialists and defunders; while the left wants us to believe that conservatives seeking small government and protection from “the woke” cause are really white supremacists.
Here in Washington
Governor Inslee announced new restrictions after days of increased COVID-19 cases. No indoor dining at restaurants. Public worship services limited to 25% indoor capacity. Museums, zoos, movie theaters, and gyms are closing.
Here in Seattle
Thirteen arrested over the weekend in a group “obstructing traffic and creating a public safety hazard.”
Yes, I know all sorts of good things are also happening. But this article is “My anxieties are real.”
God is present with me this day
In today’s Reflection Bishop Peter Eaton wrote, “We are all too aware of the strain on emotions and bodies, on individuals and communities. Fear, anxiety, exhaustion, impatience, frustration, uncertainty, and everything else. We almost do not have to ask each other how we are any longer. The usual response is not ‘I am well,’ or ‘I am not so good.’ The usual response to the question, ‘How are you?’ is ‘Well…you know…’ “
And he shared this from Howard Thurman
God is present with me in the midst of my anxieties. I affirm in my own heart and mind the reality of his presence. He makes immediately available to me the strength of his goodness, the reassurance of his wisdom and the heartiness of his courage. My anxieties are real; they are the result of a wide variety of experiences, some of which I understand, some of which I do not understand. One thing I know concerning my anxieties: they are real to me. Sometimes they dominate my mood and possess my thoughts. The presence of God does not always deliver me from anxiety but it always delivers me from anxieties. Little by little, I am beginning to understand that deliverance from anxiety means fundamental growth in spiritual character and awareness. It becomes a quality of being, emerging from deep within, giving to all the dimensions of experience a vast immunity against being anxious. A ground of calm underlies experiences whatever may be the tempestuous character of events. This calm is the manifestation in life of the active, dynamic Presence of God.
Inner core of silence
Thurman’s “a quality of being, emerging from deep within” brings to mind Ken Leech’s retreat address to the Order of the Ascension in 1988. Fr. Leech was addressing the priests about to take the Benedictine Promise. The “inner core of silence” is for all the baptized.
Any authentic priesthood must derive from an inner core of silence, a life hid with Christ in God ...Only those who are at home with silence and darkness will be able to survive in, and minister to, the perplexity and confusion of the modern world. Let us seek that dark silence out of which an authentic ministry and a renewed theology can grow and flourish.
rag+
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Related postings
Howard Thurman is mentioned in two earlier postings
A Compassion and Justice Award - Worship “to make music in the heart.”
Red cars 2 - “As we listen, floating up through all the jangling echoes of our turbulence, there is a sound of another kind – A deeper note which only the stillness of the heart makes clear. It moves directly to the core of our being.”
Reader Comments (8)
Bob+, Thank you for this reminder (and we need reminding - daily). The Leech quote tells a truth so many nod their heads toward, but then don't take to heart. It's similar to Gustavo Gutierrez' admonition in his last published work, "We Drink From Our Own Wells."' Burnout is real (especially during times like these) and it comes when there is nothing in the well from which to drink when stress, anxiety, etc. overtake us. It's best to be truthful, as you did. Acknowledge what's going on inside and then rest in the spiritual practices that move us toward grace and not our inner voice of condemnation, which is so easy to fall into. This is especially true for clergy, who from my observation, are experts at hearing that inner voice. When I coach clergy who are stuck vocationally and I ask about their daily spiritual practice, I usually get some hemming and hawing and then an acknowledgment they're not doing much of anything. Our daily spiritual practice is not a sure-fire prophylactic against being overcome by anxiety, but it is the only thing I know that works for me 99% of the time.
I think there are a variety of directions to take anxiety; certainly silence is one way to rearrange it.
I wonder if there is a mechanics of anxiety - too much news; speed; platforms that enhance watching but diminish participation.
One thing I found helpful in what Thurman and Leech offered is that they don’t suggest methods for managing anxiety—take a deep breath, more exercise, do a good deed for someone. All that has its place. Yet, the true antidote to our anxiety is in what Thurman referred to as “the sound of the genuine in yourself.” Which as Brother Scott notes is fed by “our daily spiritual practice.” Which takes us to the heart of the parish development task.
In Thurman’s commencement address at Spelman he spoke of “the genuine” in oneself vs. spending your life as a puppet. My thesaurus offers a variety of alternatives – spending your life as a pawn, lapdog, flunky. It also uses the word “instrument.: Spending your life as an instrument. And that took me to Evelyn Underhill who wrote of Christians as being called to be “vehicles of the Eternal Charity.” Maybe, that’s the point. In the Eucharistic mystery we are “taken, consecrated, broken and made a means of grace, vehicles of the Eternal Charity.” We are to be God’s instruments. A people with “a quality of being,” “an inner core of silence,” ‘A stillness of the heart.” Some parishes call for periods of stillness and silence during the liturgy.
Thurman was mystic at heart. I do have some trouble with his idea of "the genuine' in me or anyone else. My anthropology is low based on knowing myself and my general observation of other humans for 63+ years. How do we know what is "genuine" in ourselves and not just our egos or our appetites. Our capacity to self-justify and rationalize is, as the Bible might say, legion. That's where I have to trust God's revelation in Jesus for what is genuine. Anything that goes inside or outside me needs to be held up to that revelation to discern what is genuine. So I ask myself: Does whatever I am feeling, thinking, or doing reflect in some way the compassion, mercy, and grace of Jesus. Left to my own devices, I will find a way to justify myself.
I agree with all of that Scott. Absolutely. And I also think there is something "genuine" in ourselves. Though your "how do we know" question seems right. At 76 I think I have more of an answer to that than when I was 30. I know, all very Anglican of me. My guess is that Thurman and Leech would both say - "Joe Biden, yes; Trump, no" in regard to whether we can see something that is genuine, "an inner core of silence."
If both aren't true I'm not sure that our weak attempts at "discernment" have any grounding.
Bob+
That's why community/koinonia among disciples is so key to discernment. True, the community can get it wrong, but my experience tells me (only 63 years to your 76) that my community gets it "genuine" more often than I do by my lonesome, even though I have trouble with that word, genuine. Same is true for authentic. Trump, for example, is authentic. So is Harvey Weinstein. I shudder to think what would happen if they were even more authentic/genuine to themselves. Both are true to their character. So, de-ontologically speaking, I need to look outside of myself to find what may have the potential to be genuine within myself as my insides are shaped by the Gospel.
Yet, as you no doubt know -- that use of the term genuine isn't what Thurman had in mind. Biden and Trump are both genuine in the sense you seem concerned with. Scary. Biden is more genuine and Trump less, in the sense I have in mind. I'm not sure if we disagree on this or maybe are just somewhat apart of what concerns us more. I know I have a bias that shows in my dislike of the BCP's statement on the mission of the church -- unity. I like what's suggested in Macqaurrie's - The end, we have seen reason to believe, would be a commonwealth of free, responsible beings united in love; and this great end is possible only if finite existents are preserved in some kind of individual identity. Here again, we may emphasize that the highest love is not the drive toward union, but rather letting-be." Got an A in Existentialism at seminary!
I am a drummer, and one thing that I have learned about drums over the years is that each drum has a "genuine" note/tone where it sits most comfortably (wooden drums in particular). Yes, you can tune/tension the drum to a higher and lower pitch, and a high-quality drum will be able to sound good throughout a range of pitches. But there is still that one sweet spot where it breathes, resonates, and sings best - most genuinely or authentically. And then there are some pitch ranges where it just sounds awful.
The above analogy is what came to my mind when reading the opening Thurman quote - "As we listen, floating up through all the jangling echoes of our turbulence, there is a sound of another kind – A deeper note which only the stillness of the heart makes clear. It moves directly to the core of our being." As well as when he speaks "the SOUND of the genuine"in yourself. I oftentimes find myself being "out of tune" with myself. When I have the privilege of being in that tonal "sweet spot" from time to time, it is pure, spiritual bliss, and when I most authentically feel God's presence as well as bearing the image of God.